Fear of Rejection

Fear of Rejection

Fear of Rejection 


In my practice working with business owners, one of the most common activities we do is to hire people. We utilize the “4 hour hiring process” and often the type of person we are looking for is a sales representative. Finding the right person is critical and having the right mindset is the most important key. Digging even further, one of the mindset issues is “fear of rejection”. If you’ve been in a situation where you have been trying to coach a new sales team member through this issue, you’ll want to read this article by Ivan Misner the creator of BNI. He’s captured a nice way to overcome that person’s fears.




Fear of Rejection – And how your persistence pays off.

By Dr. Ivan Misner


Back in 1994 I authored the first edition of  The World’s Best Known Marketing Secret.  I was out promoting the book and trying to get bookstores to carry it.  Back then, one of the ways to do that was to go to bookstores and do what I liked to call “drive-by signings” (what can I say – I’m from L.A.).
A friend of mine said there was a local neighborhood bookstore that didn’t have any copies of my book. The store was literally on my way home one day, so I stopped off there. However, I couldn’t seem to talk myself into moving from the seat of my car-I was paralyzed with fear, and could not enter the store.

The “ask” was simple: Would they mind carrying a few copies of my book?  My nerves nagged me, “What if they say no?  What if they say they don’t want the book but thanks anyway for asking?”

It wasn’t a big bookstore, and I wasn’t sure that they would be willing to carry a book from an unknown author.  I sat there too embarrassed to make any moves toward the entrance.  I swear I almost put the key back into the ignition, turned it on, and backed out.

I was so close. Then I thought, Okay . . . if I don’t go in, what’s going to happen? I decided chances were pretty good that if I didn’t go into the store, absolutely nothing would happen and they’d continue to not carry the book. If I did go in and ask, there was a possibility they’d tell me they didn’t want the book; in that case, my position would not have changed.

Then I thought, What if I go in and ask and they say yes?  That question made me realize that the only choice, which would most likely lead to a positive outcome, was to go in.

Doing nothing would get me the same thing that I had now, which was nothing. So I literally sat in the car and said to myself, Suck it up and go on in. This will be over in ten minutes. Nobody is actually going to get injured. There will be no hospitalization involved. It’s not that big a deal. It’s just a possibility of a “no.”

So I went in. I brought a copy of the book and said, “I’m the author of this book. Some of the stores in your chain are carrying it. I live locally, and I just wondered if you would mind carrying a few copies, maybe three or four.  If so, I would be more than glad to sign them when they come in.”

They said, “Oh great! You’re a local author! We’ll get 20. Will you come back and sign them for us?”

Of course I would be glad to come back and sign them!

So they ordered 20 copies, and I came back in a couple of weeks to sign them all. I remember thinking back, that the experience was sort of a nexus point in terms of rejection for me. I could do something or I could not do something. Not doing anything would have put me in the same situation that I began with, which was having no books in the store.

Only taking the risk could result in success.

This is one of the reasons I tell people, “Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from doing what you are excited about. If you are excited about your business, don’t let rejection stop you. You have to embrace this when it comes to asking somebody to do something; some will, some won’t, so what?  It’s not the end of the world.”

I had to put myself in that frame of mind, believing I was facing not that big of a thing. I now do this same thing whenever I’m faced with a situation which opens up the possibility for rejection.  I just tell myself that if someone doesn’t want to do what I’m asking, that’s fine. God bless them. I love them. It’s not that big a deal.

A good friend of mine, Dr. Mark Goulston, likes to say: “We have a lot less control over winning or losing at something than we do over trying or quitting something. Always try. You can eventually win. If you always quit, you can never win.”

When people give up, even in their thoughts, it is game over. I make a point to remember that I may not be the most successful man in a room, and I may not be the smartest man in a room, but I am pretty confident that I am usually one of the most persistent men in the room. That commitment to always trying has helped me succeed. I think it is one of the things that consistently helps anyone have long term success. The whole process has to begin with the old axiom: if you think you can or if you think you can’t, you’ll be right.


“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” – credited to Theodore Roosevelt


Dr. Ivan Misner, founder of BNI International



One Response to “Fear of Rejection”
  1. Your way of telling the whole thing in this post is really good, every one can simply understand it, Thanks
    a lot.

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